How Did I Get Here?

A cool and cloudy day, such a welcome change for the month of August. I can hear the children’s playful voices dancing across the street from the daycare; both are reminiscent of autumns gone by. My mind finds its way back through a few lifetimes ago when I was that child with a playful voice and starting school. I think back to the time not so long ago when my own children were small, the air filled with excitement and nerves, along with the smell of new pencils and notebooks and shoes.

I am sitting on the floor of my now grown daughter’s living room, her son, my grandson, crawling around and over me (Grandma a.k.a. a human jungle gym, which I’m more than okay with) making his nine month old noises, “ah-da-ba-da-ba-da.”  The three-year old yellow lab so gentle, kind and patient towards the noisy little human who keeps crawling into his space bubble, wanting to look out the same glass door that’s been the dogs and the dogs alone all these years. The six-year old tabby cat is having a love-hate relationship with all of us down on his floor, his domain; he’s happy but with an attitude, just like a cat.

I am surrounded by life.

I have no idea how I got here to this place in my life and yet I do know: every step taken backwards in fear and forward in faith; every tear that has fallen in joy, lightly, as well as heavy in sadness. I know every loud fight that found  words from my sad and angry heart being thrown, like daggers, and can never take back, as well as my apologies spoken once the mirror of my life cleared. I know the laughter that came from the walls of my teenage girls’ room that was like heavens thunder. I recall the packing up of boxes of hope and moving out to find freedom – both theirs and mine. And the packing up of boxes of regret and coming home to find healing – both theirs and mine.

This floor I find myself on doesn’t call itself a business or a corporation. The lives that surround me do not give me performance reviews that involve my five and ten year goals or come with a raise. I don’t call this a job and it doesn’t offer health benefits. What it does offer (in abundance) is heart and life benefits; filling them both with things money never could buy, but believe me when I tell you I tried.

Saying I’m grateful seems cliché and trite and understated. So I may tell you that I have no clue how I got here but at the same time I know full well…..

It is grace that brought me thus far and it is grace that leads me still.

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About Becky

I love to write words that weave hope with the beautiful struggle of being alive. Not denying either; there being hope or there being a struggle in being alive. My rebel heart has been confronted by the One who heaven loosed on earth all those centuries ago; the One who still walks the dirty streets in the most unexpected ways, and invades the least likely of hearts. I write, also, to have eyes to see and ears to hear. I write to keep my heart wide open to the mystery. I write for those like myself who are desperate to find hope in the hopelessness, to see light in the darkness, and those who ache for love, the real and true kind. I write to encourage authenticity and discourage conformity. I write to stay honest with myself. I write for you and I write for me. But mostly I write like a prayer: human and holy, filled with hope and struggle; grit and grace. Rather than leaning on things of this world that are quick and shallow, leaving us empty and starving for more, I lean on the One who is of another Kingdom and fills us abundantly with Himself. View all posts by Becky

14 responses to “How Did I Get Here?

  • Sarah

    Nothing but grace…..

  • Shanda

    love this… i need some of that grace. i feel like i’m just digging my hole deeper and deeper still. I’m in this moment of not having a freakin’ clue how I’m gonna get “there” either. Grace it is.

    • Rebekah Grace

      I know that hole, Shanda. I still own the shovel and use it often. The beauty of this here and now of me and where I am is that I, too, didn’t have a freakin’ clue. And yet……

  • Vicki @SecondJourneyScribe

    Hi Rebekah! I love your blog! Every word rings true to my heart. I can tell we’re sister sojourners, and what a beautiful name you have – Rebekah “Grace”…I’ll be back to visit more. So glad we connected on FB. Glad to see our friend, Lisa, here, too. ♥

  • Geethamali

    You are an encourager Rebekah… Your words have lifted me up many times…

  • lisa volatile

    I just loved reading your words Rebekah. I can feel the depth & truth & sincerity within them. I truly think I understand what you are saying. Life is a miracle….. a gift. Our greatest mission as mommies & grandmommies is to be able to experience these moments to there fullest. God has given us that oppertunity. When one of my grandchildren speaks of Jesus to me….. I smile & no I am doing the greatest work by trying to instill this within there hearts. When they ask me to pray with them……I SWELL with gratitude for the GOD of second chances.

  • Michelle rabb

    Dearest Rebekah! Oh, you hit a note with me today. I sit in my home each day thanking God for retirement. I prayed for it, I begged for it, I schemed for it! Then when it happened, in shock and dismay I really did it. Then, as nothing is perfect, my husband (younger than myself) lost his job. My quiet, very safe world was shattered and I had to go back to work!! Of all things!!! I was devastated. That has been going on now for almost 7 years and FINALLY – YES, I SAID FINALLY, I sit at my computer writing this post to say “Thank you God, thank you for Your mercy and grace on this tired soul.” As you can imagine, my prayer life has improved remarkably over these 7 years. I tried to not be resentful; I tried to be joyful in all of it. That pays off – oh, how it pays off. It is what it is, so on we go. Now I bask in the glow of real stay-at-home, more-time-to-bake, oh, I-can-really crochet/knit and boy-is-my-house-clean life!!! How did I get here? I turned 70 this year and as I look back, I know how I got here, but unbelieveable things have happened. Yes, I made it through all of them but only with God’s mercy and grace. May He be honored by this email. May He be honored by my life. I know He is honored by your blog. Thank you so much! Your comments NEVER sound understated, cliche or trite – only honest from your heart. I know how much you are enjoying that grandchild. I have great-grandchildren now. Whew! How did I get here? I’m old and most of the time don’t think of it that way. I’m really, really, really enjoying my life!

    • Rebekah Grace

      Michelle, thank you so much for sharing some of your story with me here. Knowing my writing touched you and called you out to share, well, it’s beautiful and I’m honored. Thank you.

  • fotomama986

    So beautiful! Feel like I’m now down there with ya’ll..right here…right now…in this very moment; so ripe with life, hope and possibility. Thank You.

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