Such a technological world we live in – the hum of white noise surrounds us to the point we think it’s normal. It’s not. Everywhere we go we are bombarded by numbers because of this tech world - whether it be money or people. The higher the number the better. Facebook friends. Bank accounts. Followers. Pew attendees. It’s easy to feel insignificant. Or maybe it’s just me. Please don’t tell me it’s just me. Okay, I know it’s not just me.
I’ve had my fair share of grandiose dreams. When I shove my nose into business that isn’t mine I reel for days from comparing my world to the one others project. It’s been a huge problem in my life. It’s getting better but it’s still there. Believe me. Jesus didn’t take it away. But when I’m done marinating in the insecure juices of my crappy thoughts long enough to ask Him what He thinks, He always lifts my perspective to His. Grateful doesn’t quite touch the depth of what I feel about Him.
My ego sees the popular blogs, facebook people/pages, and wonders (or whines) why can’t I be like that? If you’ve seen the t.v. preachers with their auditoriums filled with as many people as the last Tim McGraw concert I went to, it’s hard to feel like you could be making any kind of difference in your miniscule world. Don’t get me started on the Jesus-less televangelists who seek your dream in exchange for your hard earned cash and tack God’s name onto it - I simply can’t be nice about it so I choose to keep my mouth shut.
I’ve moved through a lot of emotions regarding what in the world I’m on this earth for! Some of it was and is an unlearning process from my legalistic childhood. Some of it was and is an unlearning from the decades I spent roaming the far-off country. Some of it, well, it’s my own damn ego, let’s be real - right? I want to make a splash, an entrance, an uproar. Just like Jesus. Or not.
As I drove to my daughter’s house yesterday morning I was reflecting on the fact that I would not be around the technology that has sometimes fed my ego and validated my desperate need for your approval. I would not be around anyone or anything to feed, validate, or otherwise swell my childish ego. I would be entering a house that would be quiet with sleeping babies and labs and tiger-striped cats. Completely opposite from the splash and uproar (all in Jesus name of course) that I have dreamed about. And just like He does, my perspective is lifted with the interruption of a thought that reverberates my whole being……I get to be Jesus to one.
And my ego shrunk three sizes that day.
Rebekah ♥
Amen…. & again I say Amen Rebekah!!! I hear you loud & clear.I agree w/ you. For me, I said no FB, email or t.v. yesterday as well….(well a small bit of t.v. in late eve.) I can say in all honesty when I started FB, it was strickly to present my Art ( my mosaics)…. well, then I moved to playing games, I gave that up probably 10 months ago….. BUT as I have been seeking recovery from Alcohol & lotsa life trauma, I discovered sites such as yours…G & G, which I really like by the way.I think Jesus has guided me through…. one thing to the next to help me on my journey in recovery from all the crap (church included). Here I sit Rebekah… 3 years since I went to my first A.A.meeting & boy what he had shown me!!!! Yes, I’ve had my slip ups along the way, but I have learned so much through each & every one! I so appreciate & love Him for His grace He has given to me. I have learned more in the past 3 years about Him than i have since I first recieved Him. I tell you the truth, G & G…. among a few others I follow has helped me tremendously!!! I had my trials…BIG TRIALS w/ organized ”religion” for the past 30 plus years. He is delivering me from all that my friend…..by His love, mercy & grace.It’s one on one …me & Him. I so love your comment about being Jesus to 1 person for the day……That is AWESOME, our grandchildren need us…. what a blessing they are. We can give them … in some ways sooo much more than we gave our own children. I no I’m rambling a bit here but I feel I can, for some reason…
You no what….. sometimes it’s o.k. to feed our ego, (just a pinch)…..Just no I recieve so MUCH from your page while your ego may be getting fed!! 
I don’t look at my e-mail too much, not really. I went a few days ago to check it & saw several of your writtings I had missed, (cause I haven’t checked)…… they were wonderful. I mean that in all sincerity!! God so loves us! He uses each of us to reach each other. No matter how near…. or how far, weather we no the person or not. FB is a ”tool” for me, I believe…. to help me, to give me support, inspiration & hope. Your page does that kiddo!!!! Keep up the work God has put before you!! <3
Lisa, you have commented numerous times and I’ve been so bogged down in life I haven’t replied. My apologies! Thank you so very much for being here and feeling safe enough to ramble – I’m a rambler too, so no worries at all!! I first attended Al-anon back in 2007, followed by AA later that year. I haven’t been since then but God swooped me up and used those initial meetings to open my heart to Himself again. Thank you for sharing part of your story with me! Love and grace to you, Rebekah