Such a technological world we live in – the hum of white noise surrounds us to the point we think it’s normal. It’s not. Everywhere we go we are bombarded by numbers because of this tech world - whether it be money or people. The higher the number the better. Facebook friends. Bank accounts. Followers. Pew attendees. It’s easy to feel insignificant. Or maybe it’s just me. Please don’t tell me it’s just me. Okay, I know it’s not just me.
I’ve had my fair share of grandiose dreams. When I shove my nose into business that isn’t mine I reel for days from comparing my world to the one others project. It’s been a huge problem in my life. It’s getting better but it’s still there. Believe me. Jesus didn’t take it away. But when I’m done marinating in the insecure juices of my crappy thoughts long enough to ask Him what He thinks, He always lifts my perspective to His. Grateful doesn’t quite touch the depth of what I feel about Him.
My ego sees the popular blogs, facebook people/pages, and wonders (or whines) why can’t I be like that? If you’ve seen the t.v. preachers with their auditoriums filled with as many people as the last Tim McGraw concert I went to, it’s hard to feel like you could be making any kind of difference in your miniscule world. Don’t get me started on the Jesus-less televangelists who seek your dream in exchange for your hard earned cash and tack God’s name onto it - I simply can’t be nice about it so I choose to keep my mouth shut.
I’ve moved through a lot of emotions regarding what in the world I’m on this earth for! Some of it was and is an unlearning process from my legalistic childhood. Some of it was and is an unlearning from the decades I spent roaming the far-off country. Some of it, well, it’s my own damn ego, let’s be real - right? I want to make a splash, an entrance, an uproar. Just like Jesus. Or not.
As I drove to my daughter’s house yesterday morning I was reflecting on the fact that I would not be around the technology that has sometimes fed my ego and validated my desperate need for your approval. I would not be around anyone or anything to feed, validate, or otherwise swell my childish ego. I would be entering a house that would be quiet with sleeping babies and labs and tiger-striped cats. Completely opposite from the splash and uproar (all in Jesus name of course) that I have dreamed about. And just like He does, my perspective is lifted with the interruption of a thought that reverberates my whole being……I get to be Jesus to one.
And my ego shrunk three sizes that day.