From whence I come is legalistic and fundamental in its view of God and living the Christian life. It’s part of what I turned from all those lifetimes ago and upon my return I’ve had a lot of junky-junk to work through. I still do. Don’t let me fool ya. The ol’ ruts can be pretty danged deep, if ya know what I mean. But God.
He doesn’t open us up all at once - revealing our junk, misconceptions, and deceipt – we’d most certainly crumble under the pressure. It’s a process and a journey full of three steps forward and ten steps back. But God.
He has this way of bringing us to that epiphany; that never-again-will-I-be-the-same paradigm shift in our thinking regarding “that thing” or ”this thing” and nothing goes backwards from there. Only forwards. He’s cool like that.
Recently I’ve felt this idea beginning to surface. Something I’ve been doing that I shouldn’t be doing because it narrows the course and makes God be only something I viewed Him as and doesn’t allow for the way others view Him. Let me a’splain……
God was a hard Man to please but if you would go to church, not listen to rock & roll, always say the right thing, never say the wrong thing, and be sure not to laugh at anything inappropriate He’d be okay. Oh and wear a dress if you’re a girl and hair cut short for the guys. No doubt this is the way my personality perceived things being taught and shown to me as a child. It has mucked with me in one and one hundred ways. Including, but not limited to, doing all that was not allowed. When I quit going to church I assumed I was quitting God, I didn’t know He resided outside the walls of the building. I couldn’t know what I didn’t know. Running hard and fast from a complete and utter misconception has made me feel like SO much time has been wasted in my life. But God.
I can be quite extreme and my return Home has softened those edges, but it still lives in me. I’ve wanted so badly to ensure everyone knows the God I’ve come to know. The one who loves you more than enough. Right now. Wherever you are. Whatever you’re struggling with or doubting through. He loves you. If you’ve never stepped foot inside a church. If your favorite band is The Rolling Stones. If you laugh at all the worst times. He loves you like crazy.
In my finite mind I’ve been quite proud of myself for striving to portray that of a person wholly loved by God without church attendance, enjoying rock & roll music, and a sense of humor which has changed but still happens to laugh at some not so godly things. Therefore, you should lay down all your misconceptions and love Him too. But God.
He is opening my eyes to this phenomina that not everyone struggles with this Almighty Creator in the same way I have and still do at times. The views and battles and doubts and misconceptions are as numerous as there are people. Whooda thunk!?!?!
So this surfacing idea is to simply, as they say in AA: Let go and let God. If I’m surrendered to Him and humbled to Him, He’s going to live through me in any way He deems fit. And it will no doubt not be in the manner I expect or to whom I expect. I can’t possibly touch on all the differing views of Him and help everyone through them. But God.