From whence I come is legalistic and fundamental in its view of God and living the Christian life. It’s part of what I turned from all those lifetimes ago and upon my return I’ve had a lot of junky-junk to work through. I still do. Don’t let me fool ya. The ol’ ruts can be pretty danged deep, if ya know what I mean. But God.
He doesn’t open us up all at once - revealing our junk, misconceptions, and deceipt – we’d most certainly crumble under the pressure. It’s a process and a journey full of three steps forward and ten steps back. But God.
He has this way of bringing us to that epiphany; that never-again-will-I-be-the-same paradigm shift in our thinking regarding “that thing” or ”this thing” and nothing goes backwards from there. Only forwards. He’s cool like that.
Recently I’ve felt this idea beginning to surface. Something I’ve been doing that I shouldn’t be doing because it narrows the course and makes God be only something I viewed Him as and doesn’t allow for the way others view Him. Let me a’splain……
God was a hard Man to please but if you would go to church, not listen to rock & roll, always say the right thing, never say the wrong thing, and be sure not to laugh at anything inappropriate He’d be okay. Oh and wear a dress if you’re a girl and hair cut short for the guys. No doubt this is the way my personality perceived things being taught and shown to me as a child. It has mucked with me in one and one hundred ways. Including, but not limited to, doing all that was not allowed. When I quit going to church I assumed I was quitting God, I didn’t know He resided outside the walls of the building. I couldn’t know what I didn’t know. Running hard and fast from a complete and utter misconception has made me feel like SO much time has been wasted in my life. But God.
I can be quite extreme and my return Home has softened those edges, but it still lives in me. I’ve wanted so badly to ensure everyone knows the God I’ve come to know. The one who loves you more than enough. Right now. Wherever you are. Whatever you’re struggling with or doubting through. He loves you. If you’ve never stepped foot inside a church. If your favorite band is The Rolling Stones. If you laugh at all the worst times. He loves you like crazy.
In my finite mind I’ve been quite proud of myself for striving to portray that of a person wholly loved by God without church attendance, enjoying rock & roll music, and a sense of humor which has changed but still happens to laugh at some not so godly things. Therefore, you should lay down all your misconceptions and love Him too. But God.
He is opening my eyes to this phenomina that not everyone struggles with this Almighty Creator in the same way I have and still do at times. The views and battles and doubts and misconceptions are as numerous as there are people. Whooda thunk!?!?!
So this surfacing idea is to simply, as they say in AA: Let go and let God. If I’m surrendered to Him and humbled to Him, He’s going to live through me in any way He deems fit. And it will no doubt not be in the manner I expect or to whom I expect. I can’t possibly touch on all the differing views of Him and help everyone through them. But God.
You know what Rebekah….. it’s tough, real tough. I TOTALLY know what you mean. I do, I’ve struggled with it. My biggest issue is my son. Meaning, he having a spiritual foundation. My husband & I are his primary teachers…. for sure, but felt for his sake he needed to experience it as well. We stick out like a sore thumb from the rest of the crowd there, believe me( I’m sorry, but I love my tye-dyed skirts) & they , (most)… know my story…..& I could care less, no disrespect!!! If they can’t accept me for who I am, it’s time to go…..& we have several times….. BUT my son knows who he is in Christ & accepted Jesus on Easter Sunday/ this year 2012′, all on his own….actually I was surprised, (happily). Again….. we are about to embark on something new, God is leading us in a different direction….TOTALLY, scary but exciting. Honestly my most spiritual moments are when I’m alone with God. There is a fellowship of believers available outside church walls. I have known a few pastor’s kids….& I get it. Heard their stories, I can only imagine what is expected of you & them (gag)…..OKAY…..no more church talk, just wanted to converse some wit ya’…..God Bless Ya’….. From one Rebel to Another…. !!!
Your grace is refreshing. Thank you! A big congrats to your son and a welcome to the family!! I try not to write too much about my junk, have in the past, got reemed for it. Not helpful, really. I am only beginning to understand and trust who I am in Christ. And in recent months have been leaning into this crazy idea that He just might be using my life, the one He’s living through, is being used to speak into the lives of those outside the church walls. This journey is a new one, persey. I gave my life back to Christ in late 2007 (you can read my prodigal story in the “about” section of this blog, there’s a link). And so much un-learning to do. So much. He has been so faithful, even when I’ve screamed and hollered. He knows I am but dust. I haven’t been able to keep my mouth shut, He is too big to shut out. However, mostly the “Christian” community doesn’t understand, and in some places accept those like you and I, and some whom I am friends with through my almost 27 years of running. I surrender to Him daily. He is on the move…..through all of us. Thank you, dear friend!!!
He is cleaning us up, as a people that’s for sure……He works on us all differently. I have found as I get older, wiser & more tired…. etc. There comes a point where you must surrender. I have been s l o w l y. . . . . surrendering for years!! I accepted the Lord as my personal saviour in 1981 at 18 yrs. old. I was taken from a complete, drunken / mushroom trippin’ state…. to a complete sobriety state after saying the salvation prayer in my girlfriends living room at 3:00 in the morning….. it has been a journey since. Up & down, back & fourth….. BUT His grace & mercy has totally engulfed me…saved me, numerous times, toooo many to name or even remember. I have been in & out of church my whole life. For me I have found the need to pause from organized religion…… But it’s not just the “organized thing”, I have found anymore. I go out of Reverance To God….For noone else…. or for nothing else. It’s a personal relationship…..personal, (key word), also….God says to assemble with other believers. I find that in church ( to a degree), On- Line (internet), through several different sites, in a AA Meeting…. & even on the street when I see a stranger…… Noooo, I’m working through religiousness, into radical, one on one with God He’s a very Charasmatic God. Which I love….. The type of church I attend is the same….. I’m so blessed to be where I am today!! Life, tragedy, love, hurt,circumstances… blah, blah, blah….has brought me to were I am today. Well….. See Rebekah, reading your blog brought out my mini-blog. This internet is a great journalling tool. Glad our souls met!!! A Time For Everything/ There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: Ecc 3:1-8 Love…Love…Love
Thank you so much for sharing part of your story with me here, Lisa! I really appreciate it! Church is a larger conversation than I’m willing to get into tonight, but I do not attend and haven’t. I tried back in 2010 but it went awry. The wounds from childhood run very deep, most people I’ve met do not understand and meet me with condemnation and judgement. A sore subject for sure. Sigh. But God. Ha ha. Right. Yes, personal and one on one. Then what He has poured into us gets poured out onto others that He brings across our life paths. Like you. And me. He’s awesome! You can mini-blog here any time you want!!